“My boyfriend can’t accept that I earn more than him…”
I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for six years. We are both about to finish our master’s degrees, but our professional paths have looked very different. I’ve been working since my freshman year of college and now have an established career in IT.
He, however, focused solely on his studies and started his first job only six months ago. I earn double what he does. This has become a major point of friction. While he claims to be happy for my success, he admits that my income makes him uncomfortable, and he shuts down whenever I try to discuss finances as it makes him uncomfortable.
Coming from a wealthy background where he was always the one with the most resources, he seems to be struggling with this role reversal. He recently shared that he’s discussing this in therapy but confessed he isn’t sure if he’ll ever truly get past it.
I want a partner I can be transparent with – someone who celebrates my success rather than being intimidated by it. How can I support him through this transition without compromising my own achievements or feeling ashamed of my hard work?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Far-Cup9063 said:
He needs to get over it. Stop thinking that you have to “support him” on adjusting to this. Attorney here, who earned significantly more than my hubby for most of our lives together. I’m sure it bugged him a bit but he never let on.
I am retired now and we are on even financial footing. We are both comfortable with this. If he can’t celebrate your success and be proud of you, this relationship will come to an end, and it should.
echosiah said:
Your partner should want you to be successful. It’s really that simple. And I don’t think you should need to baby him about it. He can get over it or not. He has a therapist, too. And if he can’t, please understand that that says something more about how he views gender roles in a relationship.
Not positively, imo. That being said, he IS in therapy. That’s good. That’s honestly a way better sign than most people that get posted about here. It’s not an indefinite pass though.
hey_yo_mr_white said:
My dream would be for my wife to earn more than me.
lemon_icing said:
Not your problem to support. He is the only one who can solve his insecurity. I mean, look at yourself. You’ve just graduated with a masters. You’ve gotten a job with a great salary in the midst of a tech crisis.
And you aren’t even enjoying your success. You’re spending all this emotional labour on him. A good partner would celebrate your success. Be happy and enjoy your life. He’s in therapy. With hard work, he can grow up, stop being so selfish, and get over it.
kenjuya said:
Tell him to stop being a little baby or you’ll find someone who makes more.
sweadle said:
His little ego is hurt. I won’t say for sure because of misogyny but it doesn’t look good. He wants you to make yourself smaller so he can feel like the big man. How can you build a future with someone like this? And he won’t discuss finances? He needs to get over it.
