“AITA for ‘ghosting’ my roommates and locking them out until they finally get their own keys?”
I (28F) rent a house with my friend and her sister. Here’s the situation: my friend’s boyfriend basically lives with us rent-free. He doesn’t contribute crap, eats my food, and has this irritating habit of leaving the spare key in the back door.
Me and my friend have keys. The sister and the boyfriend? They refuse to get copies made. Instead, they use a spare key we keep on a windowsill for emergencies.
The problem is, when you leave that key in the lock on the inside, it blocks anyone else from putting their key in from the outside. I’ve come home from 12-hour shifts just wanting a shower, only to be locked out of my own house because this bum is inside with the key in the door.
On top of that, our neighbors lock the main yard gate at night. Since the sister and the boyfriend don’t have keys, they call me like I’m their personal doorman to go down and let them in. I even lent the sister my keys for a WEEK so she could go to the hardware store—she didn’t do it, and then she didn’t even pick up her phone when I got locked out of the yard later that day.
Last week I finally had it. I got home first and saw the key was in the door again. I had to walk all the way around to the front door, which is a huge inconvenience. I realized I was the only one home, so I just locked up and went to bed. The boyfriend started blowing up my phone. I just ignored it and went to sleep.
It was raining, and he eventually had to go back to his own house a few miles away. Surprise surprise—ever since that night, the spare key is always back on the windowsill where it belongs.
Then today, same thing happened with the sister. I knew she’d be calling me to open the gate, so I just left my phone in my room and ignored it. An hour later I check, and yup, missed calls. I eventually let her in and she looked miserable, like she’d been out there for an hour in the cold. She went straight to her room sounding all sad.
Honestly, I’m mildly amused. I’m tired of being inconvenienced by people who are too lazy to spend five bucks on a key. I’m planning on ghosting their calls for the gate until they actually show me a physical key in their hand. AITA for making them sit outside?
This is what people had to say to OP:
mfruitfly said:
Why are you letting people who don’t pay rent into your home at all? Tell your roommate no more- when she wants to have VISITORS, she needs to be home to let them in. The boyfriend doesn’t need a key at all, and you shouldn’t have a spare key out where people can access it anyway. The sister- who I guess does pay rent- can get her own key made, and can make it from her sister’s key, not yours.
I would tell your roommate clearly- no more will I be opening doors for people and your boyfriend needs to stop eating my food, period.
Kazbaha said:
NTA but why would you want a freeloader who eats your food having a key to your place?
Impossible_Volume811 said:
You’re a doormat and doormats get shat on.
Stand up for yourself.
FcukReddit4cedMe2Reg said:
Why haven’t you reported the freeloading bf to the landlord? Do that asap. This isn’t AITA but NTA (unless you don’t report the bf).
Three weeks later, OP shared this update:
I finally confronted my roommates and it went about as well as you’d expect. Edit: I want to preface this by saying wow. This started as a “key” issue and ended up revealing that I’ve been allowing a lot of disrespect. What you guys said in the last post was low-key mean, but ultimately fair. I needed the reality check.
I did what you told me to do and called a meeting in a state of resigned frustration. This came after my stuff was taken from the fridge again, and they continued to call me to open the gate despite everything I’ve done to discourage it.
They just sat there, unresponsive as ever. One roommate literally had her eyes closed. When I asked her to focus and open her eyes, she took a shot at my hybrid job. She said, “Some of us actually have work in the morning, unlike you who probably didn’t even go to work today.” I’ll just leave that there to demonstrate the kind of people I’m dealing with.
I ran through all the issues you all raised, citing specific incidents and explaining that while I don’t want an uncomfortable living environment, these things are making me miserable. The resolution was unsatisfying, to say the least.
One friend outright refused to acknowledge that her boyfriend rummages through our fridge, claiming he never takes anything unless she gives it to him. Regarding the “missing” food, they basically brushed it off as a “misunderstanding” because items are bought in bulk.
The conclusion was unclear, and for a few days, we stopped speaking face-to-face entirely. They eventually “retaliated” by putting stickers on everything they own in the fridge. Honestly? If that’s what they need to do, I’m not even mad, but they are still eating my food anyway.
A few days later, they texted asking where I got my keys made. It seems no progress has been made on them actually getting copies, but they finally got the hint and have stopped calling me to open the gate for them. It’s been incredibly passive-aggressive since; we hardly speak, and I actively avoid the sister because she is incredibly rude.
I agree with what you guys said: if I can’t express my needs without fearing their reaction, we just aren’t compatible. A true friend wouldn’t make me feel this way.
The final move: I bought myself a mini-fridge to exclude myself from their shenanigans entirely. I’m also actively looking for a new place, though it’s tough to find a good apartment in my price range that doesn’t require roommates and is close enough to work for my “in-office” days. Sorry it’s a bit anticlimactic, but I’m choosing peace over the drama while I plan my exit.
