“AITA for turning away my partner’s grandparents when they showed up unannounced?”

My partner and I had twins in February. We’re currently living in her parents’ neighboring house because they acquired it after the neighbor passed away, and we’re renting/renovating it with them. We have set clear boundaries that we don’t want surprise visitors, and we would like it if they only came over once or twice a week so we can have some privacy.

Today, my partner’s dad texted her while she was trying to nap, letting her know that her grandmother (his mother) had shown up at their house unannounced. We appreciated the heads-up, and she continued with trying to rest, as the twins were finally fed, changed, and no longer being fussy.

About 10-15 minutes later, her phone starts ringing, and I see it’s her dad. I answered, and he let me know her grandma and grandpa were walking over. I told him I would turn them away, as everyone was finally sleeping and it wasn’t a good time. He said “You shouldn’t do that, because it will start a fight.” I said “Oh well, it’s not a good time.”

Her grandparents rang the doorbell twice during that phone call, almost back to back, waking her and one of the boys up. I told her to just keep sleeping, I’ll deal with it. I answered the door, and her grandma could tell I was exhausted, because she asked if we were sleeping. I said “Yes, we all are.” She said “Too bad,” and tried stepping towards the door. I pulled it shut a little more so it was barely open enough for me, and told her “No. It’s not a good time. They haven’t been sleeping good, and I don’t want them waking up since they’re finally asleep.” She pretended she was ok with it, and parted ways. A few minutes later, my partner called her dad with the boys screaming in the background, telling him we turned them away. He did what he usually does when he’s mad, and kept giving short, one or two word replies.

Here’s what people had to say about this one:

ElGato6666

“I might as well f^%$#$g broadcast your damn rules to everyone to not show up unless they call ahead!” Yup. NTA.

GingerKenobi OP:

That’s how I responded from the other room, but I don’t think her phone caught it unfortunately haha. We plan on making a post on social media some time tomorrow now because of this whole situation.

No_Philosopher_1870 said:

NTA. People should call ahead and see whether it is a good time for a visit, not just provide a heads up and presume permission to visit. The more respectful that the parents and grandparents are now, the more inclined you might be to cut them some slack later on, but if they start off being rude, they won’t get that grace.

ailweni said:

NTA. Maybe you should go over there one day at 3 am and ring the doorbell. If they complain, well, they should have broadcast that rule to everyone.

GingerKenobi OP:

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t petty enough to do this, but my partner asked me not to 🙁

Quiet_paddler

Time to teach the kids in the grandparents’ neighborhood the time-honoured tradition of ding-dong-ditch?

Ok_Homework_7621 said:

NTA. Waking up one sleeping baby is bad, but two? You should be the one getting mad. BTW, it’s relatively simple to disconnect the doorbell or even put in a switch to turn it on/off. It’s a blessing sometimes.

GingerKenobi OP:

Oh, I was mad. Most of the people on that side of her family have the mentality of “I dealt with it, you can too,” so the doorbell disconnect is going to be our solution for dealing with it!

buckeye-person said:

Visitation should only be granted when the visitors have asked permission and been told yes, not simply notifying they are coming. You are NTA. Hate to say it but Grandma is.

StyraxCarillon said:

You were right to set and enforce your boundaries. You’re dealing with boundary stompers, so it will get worse before it gets better, unfortunately. Learning how not to cave when someone throws a tantrum will hold you in good stead with your twins. NTA.

dart1126 said:

NTA. Who on earth would try to badger their way into your home after hearing that you are all sleeping and saying “too bad?!?” The unbelievable height of rudeness. Does not need any entertaining or condoning.

In the comments OP added this:

Apologies for not including more info regarding the interaction with her grandma, I didn’t want the post to run on any longer than it already had lol.

I did not “crack the door,” nor did I shut it in her face. I had the door open enough that she could see my partner sleeping in the recliner, and only brought it to a more closed-off point after she tried insisting coming in

Her parents are aware about needing advance notice, as we had to talk to them about showing up unannounced a couple of weeks ago. We (naively) hope he would’ve told his mother that, but he must not have. Or, she doesn’t care, as my partner has talked to her about unannounced visits in the past (well before we had kids), and she would continue to do it anyway.