Am I the asshole?
My wife and I have been doing a slow painful separation over the last 2 two years during that time – I haven’t really been open to attending family events (this includes Thanksgiving and Christmas and family birthdays) because it doesn’t make sense and I don’t wanna fake it .
She on the other hand, attends every event and is able to immerse with my family, even knowing we’re separating, she can fake it with my family. I can’t fake it with hers. for some additional context we have a four-year-old at this point half of his life has been conversations about us separating.  she also initiated the separation -in her mind she has lots of reasons why.
This morning she “reminded” me about her great grandma’s birthday and asked if I was still going. I told her it’s last minute and I don’t want to go and she informed me that she told me two weeks ago and that’s why she’s been showing me all the stuff for the party over the last two weeks. She also reminded me how she constantly shows up for my family, even though where we are in the process of separating, but that’s her choice not mine. I really don’t wanna go. Am I the asshole?
Update: I’m currently unemployed. she is the primary breadwinner and has been our entire relationship . She encouraged me to take time off so that I can work on a skill set or find a higher paying job before we separate. I just can’t do anything with what she’s offering during the separation period because our home is so toxic.
