“AITA if I don’t want my mom to marry the guy she cheated on my dad with and forcing me to move to different country?”
So this is going to be long, but I really need advice because I feel like my whole life is falling apart and nobody is listening to me. I am 15M, and my life feels like it is completely falling apart right now. I feel stuck between my parents and I do not know what to do.
My parents divorced three years ago because my mom (44F) cheated on my dad (44M) with one of her clients, a really wealthy guy. It destroyed our family. My mom fought hard in the divorce and got primary custody of me and my sister (17F). My dad got visitation rights, but we only see him every other weekend and some holidays.
I was so angry at my mom when it all happened. I could not believe she did that to my dad. At the same time, she has always been a good mom to me. She is kind, caring, and always there when I need her. My sister does not even care about the cheating. She says, “They’re adults, it’s their business,” and moved on. I wish I could be that chill, but I cannot.
My mom has been dating the guy she cheated with for the past three years. A few months ago, she finally introduced us to him properly. Honestly, he seems nice. He is polite, tries to connect with me, and treats us well. But I hate him. Every time I look at him, I think about how he destroyed my family.
Now here is where everything gets worse. They just announced they are getting married this summer. I honestly did not think it would actually happen. I thought maybe they would just keep dating or eventually break up. But no, it is real.They are also making us move to another country where he lives. Just like that, my whole life here, my friends, my school, everything is gone. I told my mom I am not okay with this. I cannot live under the same roof as the man who destroyed my parents’ marriage.
I do not want to leave my life here. She keeps saying I will have a “better life” there, go to private school, and have more opportunities because he has money. She says I need to be okay with this, like I do not have a choice.Here is the thing, though. My dad found out about the move and he is furious. He told me he does not want me to go. He said if I want to stay here with him, he will fight for custody. He says he cannot stand the thought of me living across the world with that man and that I belong here with him.
Part of me really wants to stay with my dad. I love him, and I know this is killing him. He has already lost so much because of what my mom did. My mom would be heartbroken and furious if I chose my dad.My sister is fine with moving and thinks I am being dramatic. My mom says she has legal custody and I am going whether I like it or not. She says if my dad tries to fight it, it will just make everything messy and hurt everyone. She keeps trying to convince me that this move is good for me.
I feel so torn. I do not want to abandon my dad, but I also do not want to destroy my relationship with my mom. I cannot imagine living with my mom and her new husband in a foreign country, but I also do not know if living with my dad full time would actually work out.
My sister thinks I should just go with my mom and stop being difficult. She says my dad will be fine and that I am making this harder than it needs to be. I feel like it is unfair to expect me to be okay with her new marriage and to stay in the same house with a man who destroyed my parents’ marriage. I do not want her to marry him at all. She has full custody of me and does not want to give it up. I do not know what to choose.
I found out that it is illegal for my mom to move while holding my custody. At the same time, she is never going to give up custody. So I think she cannot move. I do not think they are going to marry either. Hopefully everything will stay the same.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Nover1985 says:
NTA. You’re 15, and it’s completely normal to feel angry and scared about being forced into a huge change especially with the man who broke up your parents’ marriage. Wanting to stay with your dad or resisting the move doesn’t make you an AH, it just means you’re protecting yourself and your feelings.
Ill-Reflection165 says:
NTA. Your mom is using guilt to manipulate you. When she tells you that you would make things messy, harder than they have to be and hurtful to everyone, she means for HER. She has made all those things true for you. Stand your ground.
Lex-tailonis says:
You are old enough that a judge would take your feelings into consideration. Tell your dad you want to go back to court and have custody changed. NTA. Good Luck.
Comfortable-Bug1737 says:
Just because your mum has primary custody doesn’t mean she gets to move you out of the country? Surely your Dad has to okay it? Talk to dad, tell him you want to stay and tell the judge that too. Don’t even mention the other guy. Say you don’t want to be parted from your dad, friends, school. It should help.
What do you think?
