Hi, 23(F) I lost my best friend, 23(m) to his girlfriend. We were 100% platonic we never dated we never even met in real life. We planned on it, we both live in the U.S but opposite sides, I met him through mutual gaming buddies one time and we instantly clicked(this was back around 4 years ago).
We became best friends after we all played Human Fall Flat. After that we started playing 1 on 1 in games. We did basically every multi-player game together. We were inseparable. We talked everyday, we shared selfies, we knew everything about eachother. Our friendship was strong.
But recently over the past few months it started decreasing. Our jobs changed. So our schedules changed. It made it even harder to find time to play since our time zones were different (he’s east coast, im west coast) So we didnt since early last year. On top of that he got a new gf he had for maybe 3 months now that he worked with for a few years, So he made more time for her and his job.
Which I understood. I was happy he got a good gf, he even said we could be friends and all play games together, and that we would like each other, and I thought that was awesome. But that never happened.
Recently, he hasn’t been responding to my messages. our last conversation before this was in late november. He left me on read in December after I recommended a song to him. (We’re halfway in January mind you) and I texted 3 more times on different days and he hasn’t seen them. I got curious and looked at his Facebook profile, I get an error. I said to myself “oh that’s weird.
I’ll see if someone else’s profile does that too. ” None of them did. I figured something happened to his account. Because i figured if he blocked me, messenger would say something about how I been blocked. But it didn’t. (new update? Idk)
So one day, I was on Xbox and seeing who’s online. Then I was just going through my friends list, and I saw that his gamertag wasn’t anywhere to be found. So I go to messages to find our old chats. I go to his profile, and I see “add friend,” and my body went cold. I wasn’t thinking anything. I was just sitting there staring at the screen, starstruck.
So I message him on our chats saying “you un added me? Did I do something wrong?” So i tell our mutual friend, asking if he knows anything about me being un friended and blocked. He said he hasn’t talked to said friend since December. I asked him to ask our friend why this is happening.
I speculated that it’s his girlfriend’s doing and that maybe there was an insecurity because im a girl(?) (She was in a very toxic relationship before this one so I suspect that she was cheated on alot and it made her insecure, which i can understand).
So he texts me back a few minutes later saying “it’s due to her insecurities”. Then I get upset. Like of course im upset! Why am I being punished for being a female friend to my male friend? That sucks!
So later in the day, while im at work (that all happened in the morning), it’s late now, I figure maybe he hasn’t blocked me on tiktok. So i messege him. And here’s how our conversation went.
but it seems he didn’t understand my last text was about his relationship. it hurts how much he doesn’t care. 3 years of friendship wasted for a 3 month relationship. am I overreacting though? it’s day 3 of me losing him right now and I’m done crying over it. but im still upset and thinking I shouldnt be this upset. I can understand her side. but I lost my friend over it.
You can read the texts here.
This is what people had to say to OP:
entry_level_jazz said:
he was your best friend, you were not his best friend
sorry
hopelessyaromanceme said:
Girl I hate to say it but I understand why his gf is uncomfortable with you. That paragraph is something that if I read it on my bfs phone it would make me feel weird too and I’m a gay man. I can’t imagine what you must have said before this conversation that led to the decision to block you.
Super_Inspector_9609 said:
“I’m more upset than she will ever be uncomfortable about me” “The memories we made the plans we had” “Did you even fight for me? Did I matter at all?” “I see ‘add friend’ and my body went cold.” It’s not because you’re a girl, it’s because you have feelings for him and she picked up on it. It sucks but the way you describe your feelings isnt platonic
whereisurbackbone said:
Two things can be true. She’s insecure, but you’re too much. That long ass message you sent was too much and you’re acting like a jilted lover rather than the friend of someone who wants to distance himself. “The memories we made” bro what memories, you’ve never even been in the same room.
OP later added this comment:
I realized I worded it weird. Im sorry. Im happy with him having a gf. He had one before her. Him having one isn’t an issue at all, please don’t take it that I hated her. When I said “did you even fight for me?” I meant that as in fight to have me stay in his life. I wanted him to be with her but also have me still be in his life too. I didnt mean for it to sound like I want him all too myself.
I always rooted for him getting a gf. Also some of you seemed concerned about the selfie thing? It was litteraly just our faces. We’d give eachother an update of what we looked like every few months. Like his haircuts and beard and what color i dyed my hair. It’s what you do with friends, no?
